IndiaTV tries to do LHC

Note: The LHC is the "Large Hadron Collider", which is the biggest particle accelerator built yet, and it's going to switch on on Sep 10. It's made to discover new physics. Not create Black Holes that devour the earth.

Ooh, and one earlier post of mine, about IndiaTV craziness.

Ok, it's three days before the biggest experiment ever designed begins, and IndiaTV has got a late brainwave about it's dangers. It's apparently going to blow up the Earth, and IndiaTV doesn't want us to have more than 3 days notice. We are Fucked! (Apparently.)

I don't know how IndiaTV gets their hands on all kinds of conspiracy/doomsday theories, but man, they do. I wonder how they sleep at night. My friend here had to spend half an hour explaining to his grandparents that the Earth was not going to blow up because of a black hole created in a particle accelerator. There isn't a physics student in every home in India, sadly, so IndiaTV surely misled many, many Indians, who'll spend the next three days either in terror, or in fearful wait (or in orgies... hey, last three days!)

Well, I've always called IndiaTV the worst hindi news channel EVER (and that's saying a lot). When they're not spouting nonsense about aliens or skeletons of Gatotkachh being found (with a Hindu Scholar on air to explain how he could've gotten so big... apparently the Bio department comes under School of Hinduism these days... wait, does that mean all those Bio chicks will refuse to have premarital sex?... man, Bio chicks... oh, back to topic...) they're spouting nonsense about every doomsday theory that ever walked the idiots of Earth. So, here's an account of their opinion of the LHC, and why it's so stupid that rats will refuse to eat it...

(And thanks to my friend Achal for giving me an account of the show, and having spared me the pain of having to shout "fuck" 30 times in 10 minutes...)

"The Doomsday Device"

(Mwa)Hahahahahah! Physicists are either idiots or nihilists, according to IndiaTV. LHC, the "Great Machine" is going to start in 3 days, and who knows what will happen?! It is a machine, and machines are not to be trusted.

With a suitable "horror" tune playing in the background, the voice on TV comments as we are shown clips from various movies with floods, huge explosions, and other clips from various Hollywood movies (I think they have a special copy of "Independence Day", oh yeah, and of "The Day After Tomorrow", which they never have occasion to keep back on the shelf... "Oh, done with that ID4 copy for your Aliens show? Could I have it for my ' The Sex Ed Conspiracy' show."). To be fair, they took opinions of some scientists (special material, those scientists, to be ready to talk to IndiaTV...) , but they emphasised the Doom part more than anything else.

And what IndiaTV programme is complete without a contribution to the "stupidest lines ever said on TV" list? Here are two Achal remembers from the show:

"Yeh Mahamachine hain ya Mahadaanav?"
AKA "Is this a Great Machine or a Great Demon?"

The first confirmation of what I've always suspected! Scriptwriters of Ekta Kapoor also write for IndiaTV! In this case, those who wrote "Kahaani Humaare Mahabharat kii", surely produced this gem. Come on, the two sets are one... There cannot be so many awesomely stupid people in the same country. Those who work for Ekta Kapoor work for IndiaTV. QED.

"Agar Machine ka dimaag fir gaya toh?"
"What if the machine loses it's mind?"

And join your club?

I think the IndiaTV people have a special "Dr. Strangelove"-like prepared for them, just in case one of the hundred disasters they predict actually happens. Only this time, it won't be taking specimens of the best men and women on earth...

Ok, Enough Sarcasm for today. (No, right? You're enjoying this, eh? Well, there's always a post in the future about IndiaTV...)

The Straight Dope about the LHC then...

Ok, not THE Straight Dope. But as straight as you can get it: It's not going to create black holes. It isn't going to blow up the earth for Chris-sakes. Those physicists are not as dumb as you think, they know how to design an experiment, and they are much, much smarter than you. LHC has been safety-tested, simulated, debated a hundred times over by people who actually know it inside out. And they have come to one conclusion: it's safe.

And, let's face it: the LHC is beautiful. It's humanity's biggest experiment ever, and hopefully we'll get answers to atleast some of our Big Questions after it's done. Here's stuff about the LHC. Cool explanation. And what chances does it have? Here is a rough and fun estimate (by Sean Carroll).

And yes, here and here are links explaining all that about doomsday. I'm not qualified enough, am I? But Phil Plait is. And he's cool. And he gives more links.

PostScript

BTW, I do KNOW that IndiaTV people are not really stupid, and they do this just to get more viewers and TRPs, and they're just taking advantage of the gullibility of those viewers. But I really, really would like to believe they're stupid and not cruel. Really, it's cruel, mean, and sad to take advantage of people like that. Just thinking about it makes me very, very angry, so I'd just think that they're idiots, not rogues.

BTW, This LHC doomsday thing is actually quite old. That's why I said "brainwave" at the start of the post. Not only do they spout incredibly blackheaded stuff, they do it really, really late.

Oh, you've probably heard this by now, and it's 30 years old in Internet years I guess, but here it is: LHC Rap.

PostScript 2

Amit Varma over at IndiaUncut has posted about this (and included a link to this post: yay!). There he links to a news piece about a girl commiting suicide citing the End of The World as the reason. I agree with him that there were probably (I hope) other reasons, although I can see why this media hype would push such people over the edge. It's just sad. I stand by what I said above about these channels exploiting the public mindset. News is there not to entertain, or mislead... but to educate. I hope these channels learn this soon.